I don't give one good shit whether or not athletes use PEDs. In fact, baseball was more entertaining when McGuire & Sosa were juiced to Neptune and back, and isn't that the point of professional sport, to entertain? Give everybody drugs and sit back and watch the dawn of the most entertaining age of sports ever…

Legendary? I know this is the internet, land of hyperbole, but we really need to stop this before we render all our words useless. Legendary should be reserved for things that are revered by a majority of the population, figures that are whispered about in hushed tones and unconfirmed rumors about which are passed…

"Take to the sea!"

This is the Clippers. It's safe to change that "may" in the headline to "will" right now, Tom.

Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning, Fartface? A man who's first thought upon waking to find himself legless was to help find the bomber is a hero. If you think he's anything less, you're simply not being intellectually honest. That, or you're a pedant, splitting hairs.

MLS is in no way a major sport. I could stop 50 people* on the street today and none of them would be able to tell me who the reigning champion is.

Sadly, I'm not one of the cool kids either. On the plus side, I can now see your question without clicking on the wallowers section, so... maybe?

Ooohh, Aquaburn!

This!

I'm afraid you may have just irreparably broken pro sports forever. Lets all pray no owner reads Deadspin

Nightcrawler. Teleportation slam-dunk is the most unblockable scoring play in this hypothetical.

Your video is so short it doesn't even exist!

It's got to be Supes. Confirmation of intelligent alien life + they can literally crush us, ala General Zod. Fucking terrifying.

My 7 year-old son found an awesome Penguins sweatshirt that was abandoned for days at a local park & brings it home. I wash it (twice) on the heavy dirt cycle because, gross; Park sweats have got to be double-washed. Then I let him wear it. Does this make me a bad dad? Am I teaching him theft or thrift?

Best of both worlds, brother. finish up in the lot, waltz in with a good buzz on and you can still watch the aging stars ride pine.

$12 for a Goose Island? That is fucking criminal. You can get a 12-pack of that for just $2 more and share them with friends over brats and burgers while tailgating before (and/or during the first few innings of) the game. Don't give the evil empire any concession money!

Gotta love a guy who can laugh at himself. +1 for Barry

Now who will old, white sportswriters fellate? I have a theory that Urlacher was only as popular as he was because he reminded old white guys of the days when slow-footed caucasian LBs like Butkus and Nitchke roamed the gridiron.

Can anyone find a less intimidating baseball player than Mr. Metrosexual, Andre Ethier? Even his name sounds soft. Andre is weak as hell, unless immediately followed by 'The Giant'.

Keepy-uppy? The hell is that? Hackeysack for soccer fans?