He's actually just visiting from Pawnee, Indiana. That's a douche shirt from "Crazy Ira & The Douche" fame.

Jon Leuer was the shit at UW, Greg. Watch some NCAA basketball on occasion, it may help your "analysis".

Sam had never heard of Mark until today. Which is ok. I'd never heard of Sam until today. This p.o.s. article explains why.

I feel awful for the poor truck driver. Imagine you're driving along, minding your business, when a goddamned ADULT, (who should know better) runs after a fucking child's toy and directly into traffic. You slam on the brakes, but it's too late. Now you've killed a man and have to live with this traumatic event for the…

Hirohito was effectively a figurehead. Most of the awful stuff done by Japan came from the military that ruled in all-but-name. I think that should disqualify the former Emperor.

Why is this bad news? She had them reconstructed, so they'll look just as nice, plus they'll never get saggy. This is truly a win-win for her and you.

Bin Laden? Please. He's small potatoes, and died like a shut-in after only racking up a few thousand dead. Stalin killed 10 MILLION of HIS OWN PEOPLE. Hitler pales in comparison to Joey Bananas. Don't bring that weak, Johnny-come-lately Bin Laden to the party. He can't even ante up at the murderous dictator poker…

Thanks for the eye-opening perspective. I hadn't considered the Browns, as I honestly forgot they existed when trying to think of comically inept franchises. Clearly, God hates Cleveland. That said, I think we can both agree that raising a child to root for the Clippers is irresponsible parenting.

Greatest QB the franchise has ever known?

Raising your child to be a Leafs, Cubs, Clippers or Lions fan is tantamount to child abuse and should be punishable by law.

1st one you found? So, lazy was the correct choice after all.

Leafs are the Cubs of hockey.

One of the perks of living in The Dairy State is finding any kind of cheese is easy. You can get Mascarpone at your local grocery, even in a small town. The downside? Everyone is fat and happy. Actually, that doesn't sound so bad, when I see it in writing..

The NYC-centrism is borderline narcissistic on Deadspin. Bogarde spent roughly 95% of his career in Minnesota's system, yet you assholes put him in a Rangers sweater. Tell the truth; Lazy, or arrogant?

Tim, would it kill you to write one paragraph explaining which team is in danger of being relegated? I checked the comments and it appears to be Wiggan, however they're losing to Swansea in the score displayed up top in the screencap, so I don't understand how Wiggan could go to the FA cup finals by losing the above…

TAWMMY LIKES THIS GUY'S SPAAHRK. HE'S FEISTY, HE'LL FIT RIGHT IN. BUT WHAAT THE FACK IS UP WITH ALL THESE DAAHKIES, COACH?

The feature on page 38 is WAY cooler in the alternate universe that perfected cloning.

Two-tone helmets? The 1990's are alive and well in Jacksonville. Next up, the Jags can make up some Hypercolor hats & jerseys in time for the draft!

You can practically hear the gun-fetishists oiling up their, erm... rifles, as they imagine being the great 'Merican who guns down the bad guys and saves the day.

For anyone wondering, to rue activate your account, just shake your fist at the screen while reactivating.