Sorry, but that was Italian dictator Benito Mussolini that famously promised the trains would run on time, not a German. Thanks for playing "Know Your Fascists", and don't forget to pick up your copy of the home game as a door prize!

Local man astounded that sun rose in East, set in West. News at 11p

Holy Hostility, Masked Outlaw! What did Bilas do to you, to turn you into this hardened outlaw we see before us? The mind reels at the scale and scope of the atrocity necessary to provide the psychological fuel required for a hate like yours. One that burns so hot and true! Such hatred can only come from some…

I got nothing. This is getting worse and worse. Hard to grow the funny in soil this barren.

Jiminny Cricket's PR agent has released a statement from the beloved children's star, emphatically denying the bat was his and that he, in fact, uses Louisville Sluggers exclusively. Mr. Cricket regrets the confusion and has extended his heartfelt condolences to the families involved.

Why is this so pleasing? Because fuck Duke, that's why.

This is Deadspin, where there is one rule for posting comments; Be funny.

Lena is the voice of a generation of entitled, rich, white, East-coasters. She speaks for no one else, so her show in truth, speaks to no one else. Also, she seems so far up her own ass that she mistakes her own farts for weather.

"Dad?" - Todd Marinovich

That is the face of a man that doesn't believe his own words.

1st thing I wondered was what on earth was in a dorm vending machine that could possibly be worth using a stolen credit card to obtain? I remember only foodstuffs ranging from dubiously edible ancient candies, up to lukewarm, salmonella-laden sandwiches in our dorm's machine.

Absolutely no one was surprised at Wisconsin being entirely homogenous.

I think you're on to something. Lots of native Wisconsin tribes like the Ho-Chunk, (aka Winnebago) Fox and Oneida are down there too.

The raiders should be contracted if they can't sell out their stadium. Hell, every team that can't sell out every home game should be contracted, not just the Raiders. Can you imagine how much better the games would be, if we reduced the # of teams?

This makes 3,744 straight weeks since my Wisconsin Badgers qualified for inclusion on this list. Looking forward to 3,745!

So, Biogenesis was a free clinic?

Fellow Wisconsinite here to affirm that no one over 12 wears a scarf. If your winter jacket doesn't zip halfway up your face, covering all but nose & eyes, you need to return that imposter coat to whatever store you got it from. Feel free to let them know they're defrauding the public with their weak "winter" coats.

That moment you realize you've had "The Humpty Dance" playing on a loop in your head for a full hour.

DeLos2 is really the color guy for Steelers broadcasts, so his beef with Ryan Clark is due to his producers not letting him call their defense anemic while he remains with the team.

WMSN in Madison, WI is showing an infomercial for a girdle, called the "tummy-tuck belt". As a native Wisconsinite, I must say, Fox really knows their demographic.