Laugh all you want, but when the sleeve and pantleg markets collapse he'll be sitting on a gold mine.

At the risk of losing my Gawker Media Gold Club Snark Card™ I have all the respect in the world for this guy and hope he gets back on track and soon.

+1. Bravo. COTY.

Thanks a lot, Ninja. Now where am I going to get my Anchorman quotes and my tangentially-related song lyrics?

The League turned down Ray Lewis's original idea for a Super Bowl player safety ad. It involved a getaway limo, a dumpster, and eyewitnesses who could keep their fuckin' mouths shut.

The balls on these guys...

Maybe you could do a barter exchange. He could teach you about being a artsy fartsy football-hating commie pussy so you can impress that hot barista.

Hey Salisbury, you forgot the Sent from my iPhone

+1. Almost rivals "decaying bat stench" as the grossest thing in this post.

This entire story would be better with folksy, nonsensical Waylon Jennings voiceovers.

No one thinks the fix is in, not in a $3500 claiming race in Grove City, Ohio

Downing and his lawyer are en route to New Orleans to face possible sexual battery charges

Yeah, and that fat English nanny you just interviewed? It's really Bartolo Colon.

"Gallo" means rooster, but is usually used to refer to fighting cocks. So that's cockfighting beer. The perfect cold beverage to enjoy at your neighborhood cockfight. Bad ass.

Pictured: Tebow, just before being swallowed by the whale.

Taps placed on Todd Haley's personal cell phone revealed his pet name for his wife is "fuckbucket," but for his girlfriend it's "dickbarrel."

Smoking cigarettes and walking around the Mall in Washington, waiting for informants to mistake him for some sort of omniscient government functionary who has the power to ensure their and their family's safety in the face of exposing a conspiracy that goes straight to the highest levels of power.

Cockblocked by Cam Newton

Yeah man remember back in the '70s and '80s when New York was gritty and cool? Wish it was like that still. It's all just bullshit now.

The measure of a man is his integrity.