Thanks for the kind words—I feel like Jamie Moyer making an opening day roster. Back in the early days of aught-six we used to do the Charleston after a +1! (dances while holding up burlap sack britches with a rope belt).

I can't say that I'm quitting altogether, but I have a feeling I'll be pretty scarce around here come Monday. Even less than I have been commenting this year. So, follow me on twitter if you don't think my jokes were too shitty: @ClueHeywood So long and thanks for all the dong!

Missed the 86 team entirely. Growing up in the Phoenix area I was admittedly an ASU fan as a kid, so I followed the 87 and 88 ASU Lou Brock teams to the CWS (though for some reason I followed UA basketball, probably because of the 87 team, specifically the Gumbys). Once I hit junior high I realized I wanted to have a…

Pretty sure that was just coincidence.

BEAR DOWN

Mini Deadspin deleted scenes

1) 2005

You're actually right. Ask any personal injury guy. But on the flip side they make the job 10 times worse, to the point where you ask yourself: "why did I go to school and work so hard to get here? So I could dance like a circus monkey for a bunch of goddamned morons? why does my soul burn?" as you trudge off to…

Self-promotion, sure, but this is one my favorites of, well, my work:

I'm losing my star tomorrow. I've had it for almost 4 years. I've been commenting here for almost 6. I will miss both.

"Hard to get" is not a good media strategy.

Despite the overwhelming evidence, Joe denied his tags were expired and called his other cars as character witnesses.

The breathy sorority girl act stops working in your 30's. That's what got me let go from my last law firm.

Grace also mentions Deadspin every other night. He's been on here enough (DUIs, on-air swearing, bartender banging, etc).

Wear sunscreen.

Jeff Garlin struggles singing the anthem. Drew Magary struggles with Jeff Garlin.

+1

On behalf of my fellow Arizonans, thank you Drew.

This post contains the same amount of Republican bashing as it contains hot, steamy sexual innuendo. Which is A LOT, OBVIOUSLY.

DO YOU DELIVER?