"Take a Sheet at the Mall" was also the slogan for David Duke's Washington campaign rally.

So sensitive. When Mike Wallace called his guest Henry Kissinger a "fucking retard" during a 1973 interview, Kissinger was able to laugh it off and come back for 60 Minutes' "Latin American Proxy War Week" the following year.

Why go back to school? Three years with the Raiders is the equivalent of a BA in Latin American Studies.

I suffered the same disappointment when I rented "French Open Women's Doubles."

Re: rapid, impressive booger growth: My summer job for three years in high school was working for the local water company in a small town the Phoenix suburbs. Basically, working a shovel (or illegally working a backhoe at 15) while we installed new pipelines in desert subdivisions—and no, I never hesitated to tell…

A plastic bottle floats by, then a crab.

Warren Sapp auditions for Sloth in the black remake of The Goonies.

...or Matt Leinart...or Jon Skelton...or Max Hall...or Brian St. Pierre...or Josh McCown...or John Navarre...or Shaun King...or Jeff Blake...or Tim Rattay...or Tim Hasselbeck...and so on

Even with this incident, the driver's career passer rating is still better than Joey's.

It's not finished yet. It's supposed to be a Cinnabon.

DBacks acquire A's reliever Brad Ziegler...not a marquee deal, but his 2.39 ERA/1.35 WHIP is better than several in DBacks' faltering bullpen.

Konerko to his hometown DBacks in a surprise move to solve the 1B platoon we have going on. Just wishful, hungover, possibly still drunk thinking.

True story: Jordan wanted to bet Orlando Woolridge 60 large on that go-kart race. Sixty thousand dollars was an enormous amount of money to a middling player like Orlando. Still, Orlando thought to himself, that money will go a long way toward paying back that thing with the Columbians back in Miami. And what…

Later in the same game, Ian offered to give Stephen Drew one of his ankles.

Clay would've ruined Deadspin way more than AJ has.

Tiger will not hire a new "caddy." He prefers to call them a "wingman."

Well Stephen Drew just turned his foot the wrong direction...and it looked like he just snapped it back into place. Badass, but his year's gotta be over.

Was down in March for some games, and sure as shit Mark is still behind the bar and Gary's still there reading the paper. Felt like old times.

I had just graduated when that happened. My last season as an undergrad was the 12-1 year in '98. Then the wheels came off.

I'm an Arizona fan but haven't had many bright spots since the Desert Swarm/Dick Tomey days of the mid-to-late 90's. This year's team has high expectations...but just a brutal opening to the season. In consecutive weeks they have OK State, Stanford, Oregon, and USC. Just brutal. Still, I'm looking forward to that…