They have to report on something in between police chases.

I'm in Phoenix in the middle of another huge haboob. Just wanted to say "haboob." Carry on.

Big Ben hired Romo's videographer, but instead of the Coldplay soundtrack he wants GWAR.

And the school newspaper was a place for hot popular guys, right Jay? Right?

It's a $380 flight getting me in to LAX at 8:14. Add the $20 for the ticket and that's just too much, even for Louis CK. I'm going to a Lebowski party at a dive bar in Tempe instead. That should cost me about $30. I still say you should go...and whoever said it is right: it's a comedy show, going alone is perfectly…

Go, dumbass. Go for all of us living in shitty flyover states like Arizona who don't get good acts like Louis CK, but the goddamn Blue Collar Comedy Tour shoots their movie here. Fuck.

Whoever said Dookies have a sense of entitlement?

You know what else is a tough disease? Macrocephaly. Thanks a lot, Fathead.

And the first post-CBA weekday episode of NFL Live will be the broadcast that signaled the resurrection of football and the re-death of soccer.

In Todd Haley's civil case against McDonald's, he was amazed that there are now "lady judges." He wouldn't stop talking about it while giving testimony. He even asked "what are you wearing under that robe, judge sugartits?"

I'd have to see the evidentiary ruling in question to determine how egregious this was. But I imagine that the evidence in question was challenged by pre-trial motion in limine on hearsay grounds—it appears the government was offering a representative reading an affidavit from a woman who heard from her husband that…

+1 Stranger in the Alps

You regretted introducing Todd Haley to your family the minute he began using graphic detail to talk about how hot your mom/sister/daughter is.

Todd Haley calls his kids "the little shits." To their faces.

Todd Haley calls every Asian person "Chinese." "Yeah I know there's differences, bro, but don't they just call all white people 'white?' So fuck those Chinese dudes. High five."

Todd Haley went to a wedding reception where they were passing appetizers. He said no to the mini-quiche once. When a different server offered him mini-quiche again, he said "what the fuck bro? I already said no to your buddy over there. Enough with the little green pies." Then he knocked the tray out of the server's…

Todd Haley loves to go to Sonic and leer at the teenaged waitresses on roller skates. "Reminds me of a simpler time, bro. A time when all you needed to get laid was a van, a few wine coolers, and a remote location that made her think twice about the long walk home."

Todd Haley's Camaro ran out of gas. He made his wife get out and push because "no bitch is gonna drive this hot rod."

"Coming Soon" is a really inappropriate way to describe their Honeymoon.

+1