And now, your Friday feels:

Mazel tov

Okay so it’s not really “gross” and I probably told this story before, but it’s still hilarious to me.

Weird place to put her corks but whatever.

What will I do if I don’t make you horny

The most serious issue of this election is not Donald Trump. It’s people who support Donald Trump.

“It wasn’t a sexual come-on. I don’t know why he did it. It was like just to prove that he could do it, and nothing would happen,” Anderson said.

Illustration by Victor Juhasz

THIS. And why is no one in the biased liberal media asking the two most pertinent questions?

Trevor Noah nailed this one perfectly: there is a massive difference between using obscene language to talk about your totally consensual sexual experiences and talking about sexually assaulting someone. Is the first one kinda shitty, depending on the situation? Yea. Do your friends probably want you to shut up…

I adore Mr. Sebag-Montefiore’s genteel snark. This is the tailoring equivalent of “bless your heart”.

Senior Week never really ended.

The pumpkin doesn’t ripen too far from the vine.

as a sister of one brother I appreciate it a fair amount.

heh.

Then you will be relinquished of your duties to comment about them! I can see your discussion history - for someone who is so sick of the Kardashians you sure do talk about them a lot.

Maybe you’re an asshole?

The man failed miserably selling gambling, football, and steak.

Yes! Etsy paid Jezebel $7,000,000 to write this post! And they threw in one of each item! Everything is secretly sponcon! Trust no one!