Jet fuel can’t melt bed springs.

We all know that’s not as disrespectful as quietly sitting down during the national anthem. Geez.

Phew! You guys deserve time off of course but it makes us nervous!

Bobby’s off this week! Sometimes they do release us into the wild (briefly).

What kinds of jobs are young people supposed to have? I haven’t met very many 20 year old investment bankers.

I feel like maybe it’s a bigger deal that this guy has a rebel flag tattoo then it is that he was a pizza delivery driver. Although, I did deliver pizza in college so I guess I’m biased?

Truth.

Paris is reportedly living off an $8 million-a-year allowance from her father’s estate and Snoddy is reportedly a member of a “psychedelic drum corp.”

I think you just described Joe Biden.

No shame, I would watch a Tom Hanks travel show where he goes around the world finding lost things, then making no attempt to find the people who lost them.

you really managed to capture a sublimely beautiful slice of prague there, zac.

I feel bad that OBJ was dragged into all of Lena Dunham’s unnecessary drama. He really seems like a sweet dude who just wants to live his life and enjoy his Instagram.

He has all of my emphasy.

I hope he gets molested in the bathroom by a transgender! Wow, I’ve really improved my campaigning skills after reading up on that NJ councilman’s political manifesto.

According to “sources” her mother is arranging all these hot take relationships to detract from her gayness.

This is straight from the The Swift School of Bearding.

I thought Kendall was gay? Whatever happened to those rumors?

I understand B's birthday party was 70s themed but if Chance wanted to wear that outfit all the time, I wouldn't be mad.

She buys groceries?! I assumed her sustenance came from turning her head 180 degrees and eating the face of her partner during copulation.

Jewel’s response is lovely: