I think everything he says has an edge of creepy to it. 

That looks like my early 2000's hair when I first bought a cheap straightener. 

I remember seeing the first print ads when news first broke about his domestic violence against Amber Heard. I didn’t see much about the outdoors but the timing felt tasteless considering what was going on.

A specific corner of (NY) Penn Station. Sure, that place is already a shithole, but when you have to commute through it every day and the only exit that makes sense is right there, it sucks. On the other hand, it was basically exposure therapy and I got over it. 

Nah. She comes off as that kind of person who has always been a bitchy bully because she confuses it with being funny. 

Ugh. She is such a basic bitch bully. Screw her weak “apology.”

Is that still true if it’s a bunch of used tissues in a Tiffany’s box?

When people talk over/interrupt me. I can’t stand it. Conversations need a bit of breathing room. This wouldn’t be a huge problem except I live in NYC, where it is totally normal to do this and even a sign of enthusiasm/engagement in the conversation. I can put up with it in my work life, but not my personal life. I…

Yeah. Stubby fingers are really off-putting. 

Fair enough. I’m mostly buying diapers, wipes, and razor heads with the subscription discount.

I assumed the beach house was a swanky rental.

Even if they couldn’t have, it’s not like they’re working in a cathedral. He could have called it out to whomever was entering drive-through orders.

While I know some small businesses try to make it via Amazon, I only buy brands I recognize that are sold by that brand if I buy them via Amazon at all. Too often the stuff is crap from a Chinese rip-off factory. The ones that scare me the most are carseats because that’s really not where you want to compromise on…

Well, didn’t she recently buy a convent?

I hate to break it to you, but those women are doing more than just thinking.

Not to overshare, but my second kid also showed up on the first try. However, this is not so uncommon for people who (like me) had recently stopped breastfeeding but it was a shock since I’d gone through years of hell to have my first.

Also, getting accidentally pregnant requires some specific timing. After years of sex ed saying “It only takes once!” and “You could get pregnant at any time in your cycle!”, this surprises a lot of people. According to my fertility doctor, two healthy people with no fertility issues aged 25-30 who have sex during…

But on the plus side, he can just keep a box of chiclets on hand to replace any teeth that might get punched out. 

After the ad played, I realized that I was confusing Rob Mulaney with John Mulaney and was relieved that the comedian is still alive, unlike the latter’s political future which is a Catastrophe in its own right. 

Palmier. I’ve only seen them in French contexts, so I’ve only heard the French term for them.