Everyone who has ever worked out has died. #science

I have never fucked a dead shark. #withfewexceptions

See also: Joe Mixon, Garson Conley, Dede Westbrook, Davon Godchaux, etc, etc, etc.

Failure is still an achievement. If this were Silicon Valley the Clippers would be CEO by now.

Taking notes on how and from where he will best be able to apply his skillset in the NBA.

I’m having flashbacks. Not sure if that’s the acid kicking in or because the Clippers have another playoff injury, but I’ll let you know as soon as Jesus stops talking.

Riiight, but they were down 13+ until Russ went to the bench. That’s why I said made a run, not took the lead. Did you even watch the game?

This. The Rockets made their run when Russ went to the bench in the 3rd. The Thunder couldn’t make a shot to save their lives.

Smart for him to finish school and get that kinesiology degree for his post-NBA career.

Particularly bold on a team with Thon Maker from Sudan.

Rich and a Clipper. Double wammy on Deadspin.

Seeding means something very different in the Ball household.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing the Lakers lose for winning. Except cocaine. I fucking love cocaine.

Jeff Green wouldn’t even make the top 10.

The Texans got played by Romo AND the Browns? It may be time to hang it up.

Guys April Fools was yesterday.

I’m sure he had plenty. I mean, drinking until 4:30 and still checking out at 7:30am sounds like cocaine to me. Which is to say, it sounds like Michael Irvin.

What’s your top 3? Mine is:

I know you mean this as satire, but you are almost quoting the ESPN message boards verbatim.

Jalapeño is #1. NO ONE DENIES THIS.