My old lady’s been gone for three months and I kind of miss being awakened at 5:00am by hyperthyroid wailing about how she’s going to starve if I don’t feed her in the next 10 seconds.

Oh god I miss my cat so much. He was such an asshole.

Everyone calls it Whole Paycheck. No one calls it Whole Check except for Jezebel.

I used to work for a bar owner who would greet every customer who wanted to make a complaint with “Before you tell me what happened, I just want to be very clear that it is against company policy to give free drinks, under any circumstances.” 99% of people simply walked away without making a complaint.

Oh man, we went out for a (rare) extended family dinner to a Chinese restaurant one (note: North American Chinese restaurant, had we taken my grandma to a real Chinese restaurant she’d have flipped her shit).

I love that old lady. Like I said, these are both good and bad stories, and that one was happy and adorable.

There are a lot of terrible managers.

Your grandmother sounds like a complete badass.

Yeah. when I say “I want shrimp cocktail” I am talking about eating shrimp till I am full. Preferably in my own home. Where no one can judge me. And I don’t care if the ocean calls and says they are running out of shrimp.

I also don’t understand why a manager would fire a demonstrably good server when an obvious idiot complains. The idiot customer is probably never going to come back anyway, which is just as well for everyone. The server can then keep waiting on of the vast majority of customers who actually appreciate his or her…

That story was great. I like shrimp as much as the next guy, but holy hell.

First: people who leave one-cent tips who don’t have dementia or something that makes them unaware that’s a dick move need to have that lone, pathetic penny shoved where the sun don’t shine.

There’s no middle ground with older guests. They’re either really sweet and the best customers you’ve ever had, or they’re the absolute worst.

“Queers can’t get married because the bible is against it. So, to protest, we’re going to get a divorce...which the bible is also against. So, you know, Jesus.”

I cannot be the only person who immediately realized they wanted buffalo wings right? Right?

There’s no way that it would take more time to have him point at a line of text on a menu than to get two managers involved to eventually decide on and approve the plan Josh came up with.

Something very interesting I noticed the second time round: the first time he grabs her, she pushes him off. Then he’s angry at her for showing him up, and he goes to grab her behind in revenge, in order to put her in her place. Such a great demonstration that the men that perpetrate these acts of sexual assault…

White people are so fragile. We have the upper hand in basically every social structure in the U.S. How about we let people call it out without risk of being fired from their jobs?