I find this Deadspin list woefully lacking in “Getting hit by a bus.”

I am sure this car is water cooled.

“Next, carefully peel away the bodywork...”

Hocking press swag on eBay is a time honored tradition that dates back eons.

Also got busted by Dad, as I was spanking it. Complete bust with me just standing there dick in hand.

My father caught me masturbating once, I am also female. Luckily he’s dead now.

The damage got worse after, as he fell down the up escalator for a half hour.

Ow My Balls! It’s a TV show that will appear in the near future.

Well that escalated quickly.

Look I don’t necessarily have the same background as a player that Rose has, but as someone who is dealing with a similar issue; if I was in his position I’d absolutely dread it.

Lebron: “Nah, there’s nothing in there. That’s just your gag reflex making it feel like the tail is still in your throat. Happens the first time you eat anora. You’ll get over it. I’ll take you to a place I like in Union Square next time we’re in town”

John Turturro looking fuckin FIT these days.

Look for him to get suspended, unsuspended, resuspended, unresuspended, reunresuspended ....

It took me 1 minute to read but 4 minutes to figure out who was calling my iPhone and why I couldn’t hear them.

You’re lucky to be alive.

It honestly is amazing how Dominoes was able to completely turn themselves around. For the fast chain pizza’s it is by far the best, not sure what the fuck Pizza Hut is doing, but it is a hut of sadness. Little Caesars was the shit when I was a kid and we went to Caesarland. Sbarro gave my fiance diarrhea on a flight…

Any end grain hardwood board. Maple, Walnut, etc... Find an old man in your neighborhood with a woodshop. Be nice to him. You’ll probably get one for Christmas.

Any end grain hardwood board. Maple, Walnut, etc... Find an old man in your neighborhood with a woodshop. Be nice to…

“Aren’t we all really inmates in the prison of the physical plane? Friends, I have some good news about a weekend furlough that lasts for eternity.”

If I can't send my ex a carved up tennis ball from time to time, I have no choice but to abandon your rule book.

Being a man of persistence and determination, I refuse to see a romantic gesture as failed until I see a copy of the restraining order.