It’s good because I knew from the start that is was coming, and it still managed to deliver. “Turf toe” was perfect pitch. The Magary-style aggressive capitalization works, too.

“Everybody wishes they could be healthy all the time,” said Tom Brady. “It is a contact sport and he’s certainly had his fair share of injuries, so guys retire at different times. I’m sure Luck’s choice of retiring now in the height of nightshade season is coincidental. Maybe he’s just dehydrated.”

If there was a young man in literally any other profession who made $100 million before he was 30 and decided to retire, he would be lauded. The Wall Street Journal would write thousands of words of wankery praising his acumen and smarts and god bless America.

And it just reaffirms what I would be thinking if I were Luck: I’ve gotten plenty of money, I’m a smart dude who has interests outside of football, and the NFL/Colts/Indy are such a trifecta of toxicity that I’m better off exchanging CTE and more money for lots of money and some sweet, sweet travel.

If I were Luck, I’d…

I guess you could say Indy's luck has........run out.

NFL: “Let’s make games unwatchable by having teams wear uniforms that are entirely one of their team colors.”

they also agreed pitchers on the white uniformed teams had to wear black hats so as to not have the possibility of hiding the ball in their motion. just a rousing success all around.

Is there is a room for sober adults that need to take a break from asshole drunk Eagle fans? (Disclosure: Father of an autistic child who appreciates the sensory room)

Put down half full even.

Get this feel goody shit out of here man. WE CAME TO HATE.

Gee, the hunting fetishist white quarterback from North Dakota is a giant fucking dickhead? SHOCK!

It astounds me that, even though I don’t know any of these people, one trip to Wiki assures me that I definitely do.  Next thing, probably, I’ll realize that all these song titles people bandy about, I actually know the melody.

They don’t talk about it much, but very few of those Bud bottles get adopted after the game. A lot of them were put down.

Actually, isn’t the city’s biggest celebrity a fictional character from a movie?

I’m not very good at the maths, but if they removed five yards on either side of the 55 yard line and made one 50 yard line, that’s the other 10 to get down to 80.

who is based on guy from New Jersey, written and portrayed by a guy from New York. 

BUD BOWL OR GTFO

The city’s biggest celebrities are all local news anchors.

The true Wentz is more nuanced and complicated, with sources describing him as “selfish,” “uncompromising,” “egotistical,” one who plays “favorites” and doesn’t like to be “questioned,” one who needs to “practice what he preaches” and fails “to take accountability.”

Everything is chaos, all across the culture, all across the economy, all across the political diaspora, and in the new world order a man’s word is his shiv.