Say what you will about the quality of an Arizona State education, but at least they finally learned that you can pull out.

I went to a Hooters knock-off (why would you try and copy that?) in Cape Girardeau, Missouri once. They were having a karaoke night. Not wanting to be rude, I did Mother by Danzig. The crowd oddly got really into it, and it resulted in a little person getting into a fight with a one-armed man. The little person waited…

i’ve never even been to sizzler ..but i love your story because i can still see Rusty’s obnoxious Stephanie hating face

I can 100% say that I would not have tried this shit as a teen. I drove like a fool and did a lot of other stupid stuff, but this would have never been attempted by my teenage self.

Glad to see the New York Islanders are not the only ones paying Mike Comrie to do nothing.

Not sure what Trent Dilfer has to do with this

That’s like saying being unemployed is great because you don’t have to pay taxes.

I just moved to Seattle a few years ago, so I was a bit baffled by all of the #12 flags, banners, signs, and jerseys around the city. I figured it out recently, though: the "12" refers to 2012, the year the fanbase was established.

That must be the most infuriated she’s been in all her 4 years as a Seahawks fan.

This is the best thing filmed in Cleveland since Major League.

Emmitt probably thinks Johnny Foosball hasn’t urned his rice of patches yet.

that’s what makes him cool, dontcha know?

“Great! Ratliff’s available!”

Why didn’t the baby just catch the beer can? Oh, right... Canadian baby.

We went on a vacation to Virginia with another family, my daughter’s classmate and his sister and parents. We had hung out with them a couple of times and got along well enough that I felt comfortable just being me.

How does James Bond’s shirt stay tucked in while he’s doing all sorts of running, jumping, shooting, and all that shit? My friends think he must tuck it into his underwear...

If I’m straining to come up with this shit, I should probably stop doing it.

I don’t know whether you intentionally spelled towel as tower, so here’s a +1 for the subtly racist joke, intentional or not.