What are you talking about? With his gruff, dismissive attitude, indifference toward everything and everyone that might distract him from the task at hand, and willingness to do whatever it takes to accomplish his goals (regardless of how it might affect others), Belichick reminds me a lot of my dad. And if you’re…

When that did not happen, Parnas told the paper, “It made me look like a fool in front of my clients.”

Thanks for the phrasing! Now, when my boss asks me why there are so many searches for “twink wrestling videos” on my office computer, I can just say I was looking for this guy’s highlight videos.

Cops: Crimson Cad Contravenes Code, Claims Crime, Causes Concern, Can’t Clear Capture, Could Confront Conviction

Tumultuous team troubles take tag teams to tackle.

Nice. A minor suggested adjustment from someone who spends about eleven hours a day thinking about alliteration:

As a Browns fan, let me stand in solidarity and say that I, too, wish the Bills had been sold to Trump.

I’ve often felt that the Timberwolves could have won at least two or three championships if Kevin Garnett hadn’t been so nice.

Lester Maddox’s later campaign slogans weren’t very convincing, were they?

Well, yeah, that’s obvious; you can’t name one German chancellor that you could swap out and wouldn’t be >Kohl. Just try; I can wait all night.

You’re right to be embarrassed. How anyone could forget that asshole Helmut Kohl is beyond me.

normalizing a guy who headed the previously most corrupt administration since Nixon.

I don’t know why you’re so snarky. I thought the school’s PR department expressed it eloquently in their hiring announcement: “Liberty is happy to hire anyone regardless of their track record of philandering, abetting sex crimes, racism, antisemitism, whatever, to show our commitment to loving everyone and giving them…

Joe Gibbs isn’t dead yet, is he?

Look, you idiots, it’s really straightforward: he’s simply saying that, while players should be able to get money according to their market value, this sort of thing opens the door for the market deciding how much money to give them. If you can’t see how that’s cheating, then I don’t know what to tell you.

McDermott is such an asshole. The poor, bootstrapping kid is just trying to claw his way up the NFL’s rigid meritocracy.

If I recall correctly, it ended with “[Crunch] [Scream] Aw, you made me miss Joe Theismann!”

Don’t leave us hanging here; did Abraham ask if he cared?

“...right after a word from our sponsors.”

Fuck you—she explained very clearly that if you take two seconds to peel them, you get even more slices than you do by reaching into the bag. But no, you lazy assholes had to make a big deal out of it, she cried, and I’m pretty sure that’s why she and dad ended up getting divorced later that summer.