Take it from me and don’t get your hopes up...having said the same thing going into every birthday party I’ve had in my adult life, it never is, and you’ll only end up disappointed.

Did Michael Bidwill, in his capacity as a former federal prosecutor or as a current rich guy with an enormous platform and lots of politically connected friends, actually do anything to improve what Kaepernick and other players were protesting, or did he just flash his credentials and talk about having more…

Yes... “like” a bullet...

My grandfather died like that, you insensitive bastard.

I believe once you hit +.217 BSCC, you also have to acknowledge -2 toes.

The first names thing is why I’ve never gotten on board with people hailing Jim Bob Cooter as the next hot NFL coaching prospect. Especially since, being from Tennessee, he has three first names.

I read the book right after the movie, and I seem to recall that just about everything except parts of the scene with Barry Corbin near the end being almost word-for-word from the book.

I mean, everyone’s tastes are different, but I don’t know if I would admit to finding Dilbert worth more than a chuckle every two years or so.

We would have all these great talks with him and he talked about how one day he’d be the president of the United States, so long as nobody ever asked him what he knew about that sick-fuck trainer or actually listened to his policy views or just paid attention to anything he said about anything.

(One of) The saddest parts of this farce is the feeling that a larger-than-zero number of news outlets will frame this as “misplaced anger,” and not “look at these morons.”

As long as he lives in your heart--and as long as ESPN publishes stories about the WSOP and allows comments--he will never die.

He did the spoiler alert last week, when he tweeted that people should expect an announcement detailing his plans to make an announcement.

I’m reminded of my brother asking our elderly barber* (for whom anything other than a flat-top or standard cut was for “those people”) to feather his hair back then:

Already dreading his SCOTUS confirmation hearing.

Five minutes of trying and ten minutes of icing my hand down so I could type again, by God, you’re right.

I’ve tried that explanation. People didn’t buy it, especially since I also had to explain that when I went to enter Twitter as the URL, I accidentally typed in Google Images.

I’ve been eating a can of Pringles a day for years now, and I can assure that they do, in fact, have a dramatic effect on one’s physique.

I know, right? It’s completely destroyed the high esteem I had for Ted Nugent.

“Work hard. Strive. Achieve. Uh...penis! Shit, that’s not right. Where the hell are my note cards?”

I always enjoyed going to games, but I never got stuck behind the one douche in just about every section who spent the entire game standing while everyone else was sitting, interrupting his drinking only to a) scream at the people that he would not sit down, because his ticket didn’t say he had to; and b) scream at…