Off-topic, but that old bit inspired my favorite thing in John Hodgman’s book The Areas of My Expertise, from a chapter on jokes that aren’t funny:

“We have searched every square inch of this base, and all we’ve found is porno, porno, PORNO!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but your ticket clearly says you can only be two of those things at any one time. We’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

But if he didn’t scream “GET IN THE HOLE!” how would people know where he wants the ball to end up?

If it makes you feel any better, they said “ejected,” not “beaten with a stick.” So feel free to disagree with their half-measures.

“Wait, you can run the bullpen into the ground, too? I’ve wasted my life.”

Say what you will about the people in the video, but at least they can’t be accused of inserting their individual biases into the program.

Me, neither.

When Bill Bennett and Pat Buchanan call you full of shit, that’s a profoundly bad sign. I mean, not as bad as if they vouch for you, but still.

I had the everlasting shame of doing that when I was about 14 after yet another Cleveland loss to someone or other. The host was surprisingly generous:

I’d ask if W. has taken to giving Jeb a hard time by calling him “John Kerry” for blowing what should have been a slam-dunk election, but then I realized:

I initially misunderstood this to mean that Ricky Jay had died, and got preemptively bummed out. I always love his stuff, and I could listen to him talk about the history of magic for hours.

Technically he would have been allowed to take the ambulance, but he half-blinked when a doctor in the crowd slapped him in the face and shone a flashlight in his eyes, so he was deemed healthy and alert enough to watch the rest of the game.

A dark day for 80s/early 90s comedy fat guys. I hope the lust dude from Herman’s Head is okay.

Any time frame that includes new episodes of Barney Miller being produced gets a pass in my book.

Why did Landon Donovan come out of retirement again to play in Mexico?

12 year-old me is still incensed that my parents wouldn’t buy me a subscription/Browns helmet phone, just because it was “stupid,” “ugly,” and “you never use the phone, anyway.”

A rollicking ice cream social at Liberty University?*

If the quarterback gets sacked, the quarterback gets sacked.

So...Thursday?