Pictured- Two man hole covers...

Kroenke is the booty call Los Angeles forgot it drunk-texted...LA will end up passing out after its threesome with Davis and Spanos, while Kroenke frantically texts from outside LA’s apartment, ultimately giving up and walking home in the rain and back to his boring girlfriend that he was hoping to cheat on.

I have transcended your stats, advanced and otherwise. You saw an interception. I saw a ripple in the fabric of space time caused by the precise wobble of the ball I threw to that safety. I saw the way that ripple in the fabric of space time saved an entire civilization of advanced mollusks from being decimated by an…

BROWN RICE REMOVES LOGJAM IN BACKFIELD

Congratulations on the date and the sex.

Chinese Gordon, I assume, is a NASCAR driver who can’t park for shit.

I will invite my enemies into my home and show them how much my life is better than theirs, purely out of spite. I will offer them the finest of scotch while I dance around their son’s recent legal trouble and their daughter’s inability to keep her legs closed. I will show this man’s wife what could have been if she…

I thought the rule was you had reveal the magician by burying the pea in the flank of a swing man after you’ve been issued a physical challenge. Clear physical challenge here and, honestly, I was pretty sure Yelich was the designated magician. That wasn’t the case, but hindsight is 50/50. Reveal the magician with a…

Good lord, dude. Get a grip.

Friends, my hips have become two bags of sand and I cannot urge the ball into the zone with the velocity of my dreams and the thoughtfulness of my ancestors. I have consulted the priests and they all tell me, yes, Tim, you have ghosts in your bones and your gyrations have angered them. They tell me my haunted bones…

I used to play pretty seriously. The rules are simple. The main goal is to achieve “The Queen’s Errand,” or have the most netted balls by the end of the crow’s watch. If the pepper is placed in your path, you have to wheel the cranberry using only the poetic side of your bike. The lines on the court indicate the…

The olllll’ George Costanza

It’s weird that you named your cat Jesus Christ.

I agree with you, and I think it’s a shame that Deadspin has become a place for performative sanctimony, where one has to preface and apologize for having a different perspective, even if it’s both reasonable and not offensive (like yours).

I don’t know Tom, I mean. I am afraid here at Deadspin to say what I think without repercussion. I mean, I get the ESPYs are just famewhoring anyways. I do think reasonable people (not necessarily just Bob Costas) have legit hesitations about hoisting Caitlyn up so unequivocally. I’m sorry :(

As someone who would now be working at the Kingdome if it still stood, Pete Carroll would like to point out that this isn’t the only time someone has aired doctored video of a building imploding.

Yeah, it wasn't up furlong.

You misspelled “hilarious.”