I wasn’t sure whether I should regard this as poorly-communicated (and poorly-executed) sarcasm until I got to the last line, where you pretend that you think that motorcyclists should ride in the gutter.

I honestly tried very hard to distill what you wrote into the only language I understand well, which is English. However, the only thing I got out of it was that your mother warned you to be careful if someone throws part of a ton of scrap metal at you while you drive past a donkey.

I so desperately want hipsters on carbon fiber penny-farthings to be real that I refuse to google it to preclude the possibility of being disappointed if they’re not.

They switched all the kids from peddle cars to Power Wheels electric cars, and kids got FAT.

1. *y’all
   

Erm — the only successful “cat mode” would be one which makes the interior of the vehicle impervious to the inevitable shredding that would befall it should anyone be stupid enough to leave a cat inside their least favorite of torture devices: a car.

I, personally, am excited by this news, as it means that I might find myself wanting to see a Batman movie for the first time in years. I honestly find Affleck so off-putting that I can’t muster the slightest desire to see any of his Batman outings. (Unfortunately, this means I haven’t seen Justice League, which I…

*were

How many times have you been forced to endure an ice cold car on winter mornings?

1. The t-boned Hyundai did not actually enter the space where the POV car was before backing up, so no collision was actually avoided.

So how the hell do they get away with taking a GMC nameplate, replacing one letter with an illogical substitute, and calling it a “Jimny”? Is their next pony car gonna be named “Mustamg”?

All skiing content I encounter only reinforces my deep skepticism of this sporty leisure activity.

*whom

Any dreams we had of a big budget David Fincher zombie movie are now probably as dead as a zombie, too.

He may have plenty of mob ties, but he certainly has no mob cred.

The emphasis should go on the “that’s”; not on the “not.”

I mean, if I was teased because my last name was Gambino and then it was discovered that I hung with The Gambino family, the teasing might ease up.

*NHP < WHP < HP

“barefoot” is an adjective. You want “bare foot.”

*fount