I was a pageant judge last year. It’s 100% about body positivity, and super fun and celebratory. No haters allowed, for real. Everyone had a great time and the contestants were truly awesome. It’s way more about costumes and creativity (and penis decorations) than anything else.

I feel super strongly about the issues…

Tonight I learned there is a ShipADick.com, and that the holiday ones are oddly compelling.

It took me way too long to realize you didn’t mean that the brother had just gotten a job at Marshall’s. I was like, “Who throws a fucking party for that?”

It’s weird to me that everyone is replying about how small weddings are just fine thank you very much and not wow that’s obnoxious that the older sister haaaad to get married before the younger sister.

brb never sleeping ever again

And now I’ll tell you all about me, because I have a (somewhat) similar story. Since my younger sister and I were little, everything in our family has been about her. The question “How will Amy’s Younger Sister feel about this?” runs through my mom’s mind I’d guess at least once a day, even though we’re now in our…

True story: some guest’s +1 did this at my cousin’s wedding; it was basically a wedding dress if you married (hah) a little black dress and a wedding dress. Office printer paper white and more lace than the actual bride’s dress—justified, of course, by the fact that the +1 had been married 5 months ago and considered…

DO IT. I love the name Ursula, although in part it is because it’s the name of the main character in one of my favorite books (Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson). Also, Ursula the Sea Witch was the baddest bitch in the game and had a knack for contract law.

Your baby will be friends with a Jenner sister.

Oh I have the best story about a wedding proposal...

Christ, that’s bad. My aunt’s MIL wore head to toe BLACK (with a lace face cover on her hat) and told everyone that she was in mourning for her only son throughout the wedding. That was fun!

Not gonna lie I’m so livid with your mother rn! That was your graduation!!!! So in the spirit of this article can I make it all about me for a second? Great.

It’s a very long story. The girl had told the counselor what had occurred and the counselor called CPS. When the girl found out that CPS was coming she ran away from school with another student. As a teacher it honors me that I have students who trust me, and through them we were able to track her down and contact…

He should have went all the way and just got married right then. I mean, everything was already in place and you’re already an asshole. All kinds of money saved.

It is sad that this needed to be written. But, THANK YOU.

I teach students this age. I have them repeat this mantra again and again. “The Internet is forever. What I text is forever. Nothing disappears. EVER.” The girls are incredibly vulnerable. The boys constantly pressure them for “nudes,” and the girls often bow to that pressure. It is a disturbing phenomenon to witness,…

It always blows my mind as well. I have a daughter (no sons) but I’ve observed this bizarre dissociation within my family. One notable example: when one of my cousins told his mother that his girlfriend was pregnant (he was 15 at the time), my aunt FREAKED OUT that the girlfriend wasn’t on birth control, and called…

Helium implants. The FDA should have never approved them. Did you get your boobs back, or are they still floating around in North Jersey?

Look,

There is a picture of my 14 year old boobs floating somewhere around North Jersey because once upon a time I was even dumber than I am now.