Under the influence of ambien, I purchased the entire run of Garth Ennis’ Punisher MAX from Amazon. I had no idea until they started showing up at my door.

January Jones.
God-Tier Bitchface.

I think he said he wanted to smell it and sprayed it in his eyes on accident.
I don't even know man, teenage boys are fucking morons. That's probably as good an explanation as any.

My brother sprayed that shit in his eyes one time. At the dentist's office. He is still the one and only person to ever have used their emergency eyewash station.
You are not alone.

Tears are coming out of my eyes. I had to close my office door.

As a true Sacramento resident, Elk grove and all those far flung suburbs like Roseville and Gold Giver can go fuck themselves. That's where all the fundamentalist megachurch christians/rich stay at home moms live, and it pisses me off when they say they live in the city. They might commute here (and have completely…

Please tell me that you've seen this episode. I don't think I've laughed harder at anything.
Martha+Snoop 4lyfe

That is apparently a thing with celebrity athletes, especially the basketball players. You fuck them and then get a goodie bag for the effort.

Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like NOW!

Yeah, if I saw her on the street I would have thought she was a man.
I'm wondering if she's not on some form of steroids/testosterone.
If you're at all interested, there's a very interesting PBS documentary about the doping that was done on East German female athletes and the effects it had on them.

Oh my goddddd that fried chicken. Why is it so good? What do they do to it?

I remember riding in the back of a plane once, and there was this dude sitting in the lavatory with the door open, which I found strange. He literally looked like he might be dying, he had the unique pallor that only people who are about to faint or in excruciating pain get. And he was just sitting there, with the…

Dude, as if I could not love you any more than I do already, this has just heightened my platonic internet crush. You are spectacular.

THIS COMMENT NEEDS TO BE AT THE TOP. OH MY GOD.
50% ROCKSTAR & 50% CEO = 100% UNIQUE

Ok, there's no way this is for real. This whole thing is some kind of performance art, right?
Right? Guys?

Flawless Victory.

It's fun. It's fun to do bad things.

I'd punch a baby to look like that in a dress.
And she does have a great face. I know she's always doing these weird expressions and stuff, but her face is really gorgeous.

I know I have an annoying voice, and I've always felt badly about it so I try not to talk too much. Probably not the best solution, but paying for elocution lessons sounds like a waste of money.

Oh man. It's pretty great.
"When the police pulled her over, they immediately smelled White Oprah’s natural scent of vodka, bad decisions, fuckery, burnt weave glue, wet cigarette butts and sweaty balls."
That is poetry.