Your story is horrifying, but all I can hear in my head is Aunt Vula from My Big Fat Greek Wedding: “Yes. It was my twin.”

Okay so it’s not really “gross” and I probably told this story before, but it’s still hilarious to me.

Huh. I would have thought the only condiment in Colby was mayo.

FWIW I think it looked really good.

I’m assuming you’re joking but this sounds very similar to things one of my friends has been spouting. You’re not my friend Sean are you?

JFC I just watched that for way longer than I’d actually want to admit.

On the contrary it wouldn’t surprise me if he spent extra to demand they make it look that way because it’s how he thinks it looks the best. Because he’s a fucking moron who loves bossing people around.

Obama is so handsome. Not just by comparison, but goddammit. It’s like putting a glass of French wine next to a half empty PBR that’s mostly backwash.

“After all, we all have to look at him.” Classiest shade ever.

I’ve seen heavier guys where they’re dressed to the nines and all you think is DAMN that’s a suit. Seriously. Maybe an unorthodox pinstripe and matching pocket square, or what have you, but I do so love a nicely tailored guy.

And now you know why your kids need to hear the word “no” and be allowed to fail every so often.

But he’s a pro at performing in a wheel chair!

Drawing them is easy. It’s getting them to hold the pose while you do it that’s tough.

Gina Rodriguez is that social media friend who won’t stop gushing about her “King”, then 3 months later cross posts a cryptic message from Instagram like

I believe it’s Laura Richards who says “stalking is murder in slow motion.” We have to start treating stalking, dv, and sexual violence as huge red flags for murderers :(

I hope the kids will come out fine. Now, pleasantries aside, I can’t WAIT for the epic Brangeloonie meltdowns and JenaniStan taunts. Gossip boards are gonna be lit for months.

Good ‘til the last drop!

Anecdata: Chyna got her hair done by my stylist a couple months ago, just her and Rob in the salon after hours with a couple staff members, and she said that they were clearly genuinely in love (no cameras present). Also they were both really nice and not as weird as she expected. IDK, man, I am on #teamangela…

My grandmother can leave me wondering sometimes if I was burned, or if my sister was straight up insulted. “Why don’t you wear the other dress? It helped your sister look thin.” It’s like she’s got to get in a twofer.

That’s true, but that’s why punching upward works and punching down doesn’t.