Nah. I'm from one of those places where we express sympathy through ironic impersonations of the clueless.

"They're not the same place? I thought Arizona was a town in New Mexico!"

Wait. Does this really happen all that often at concerts?
There's a second reason to stay at home. (The first is "spontaneous sing-alongs that drown out the performer you paid to hear.")

Baby whose diaper you're changing: adorable!

Kinja won't do that for you!

Let's shower praise on it.

And where are the goddam Gulliver and Rabelais jokes? WTF, hypereducated dweebs??!!

As someone whose real name is oft an object of derisive humor, I can guarantee you that he hated cashing checks.

My sister got lucky, Peed on a yuppie.

I just looked at his mug shot. He looks like every male associate professor or business administration I have ever seen.

Half their titles have words my mom cannot pronounce: Lebowski; Llewyn; Hudsucker; Arizona.

I'd take a vacation with my friends for half what they're paying Sandler.

Yeah. That's what I thought, too.

"Automagically"?

Why would anyone feel guilty about loving his great songs?

That "perfectly respectable ballad" is "Gentle on My Mind." Damn right you respect it.

I remember him talking about DEEE-lite, Arkansaw, to Johnny Carson's great amusement.

Tequila!

"I am so afraid of dying."

That picture up there with four women in it? Maris had just stepped away to purge the celery stalk she had for dinner.