You goddam Yankee. She's holding a Coke can. The Coke can she is holding is a Pepsi can.

That is actually a good apology. None of that "if you were offended" bullshit.

You're the star of these pun wars!!

How do you know what foreplay is like in our house?!

To be fair, his appearances on 30 Rock were always delightful.

He watched his daughter pretend to get buttfucked on tv.

My wife stares hatefully at me every now and then. Then she says "Andyrooney brows" and goes to get her tweezers.

I live in Eastern Kentucky. There is a Pentecostal church near my house with a band that will beat up and take the lunch money of any punk/country/r&b/etc. band you can name. Not that I ever go in there. I just stand outside and watch the walls throb.

NOT AINSWORTH PET NUTRITION!!!!!

Nature will castigate
Those who don't matriculate.

And the Fisher King.

I thought Robin Hood was the one who went to the Crusades and found his black friend.

NASCAR? Headache? Try this.

It's AYN RAYND.

Then there's the thirteen-year-old writer who insists on sticking JK Rowling in every literature category.

Lots of rock musicians in the late sixties-early seventies used spade as a synonym for "groovy black fellow."

I do not understand $170 remote controls. Does it give you a handjob? Make bacon while you shower?

I'm saying ta-ta to this thread!

Yeah. I agree that, if you settle, you forfeit the right to talk shit. The judge brings him in and says, "Okay, Mr. President, now it's up to $250 million. We multiply by ten each time you act like a prick.(

You ain't seen him in that schoolgirl outfit, I take it.