My college is doing a St. Patrick's dining hall special tonight of Reuben sandwiches and buttered small potatoes.
For Black History Month a couple of years back, it did fried chicken.

I do not understand hockey puns because I am a southerner. If you guys want to start doing some NASCAR puns, I'll be standing over here.

"But, sir—" ~ Peyton Manning

I ordered a few pizzas from Papa John's for a student gathering I was hosting. The guy on the phone asked if I wanted peppers and garlic butter. "Aren't they supposed to come with the pizzas" I asked. "We charge a quarter per pepper and seventy-five cents for each butter,: he said. "Well, then, heck no," I said.

Went to hell, dude.

That "twenty minutes of preamble" was enough to make me and my wife both leave the room to find something better to do. Goddam, Maddow—if it's "breaking news," GET TO IT.

Too busy writing about beloved people dying.

Yours may be a case of knowing more than you need to. I don't know anything about Japanese and immediately said, "Tycoon."

He talks over people and completes their sentences for them, thus sending the interview in directions that say more about him than his interviewees. It's the same reason I stopped listening to WTF (except Maron also comes off as poorly prepared: for his John Prine interview, he apparently listened to the first album).

FUCK 2016!!

Gah. Of course, it was a major requirement! I'm teaching one of those in the fall—four months on another writer who did the same thing over and over.

Why did you have to take a course on Williams? That seems like a pretty specific Gen Ed requirement.

That is as good a joke as has even been written.

Have you not experienced the genuine hotness that was Sue Ann Nivens?

What the hell is a lanai?

The writing was good, and the casting of the main characters was stupefying. This thing is a goddam machine.

Five years ago, I was listening in on some 18-year-olds who were discussing their favorite TV shows ever. (I was driving a passenger van full of students, so I had no choice but to eavesdrop.) No contest—it was this one by a mile.

Okay. My hand is full. Now what do I do?

"I just think Joss wanted Sarah to ride a giant snake."

Wait—how does Scarlett Johansson orgasm?