Direct. Let's not beat around my bush.

Buttholes are about to get BIG.

"A gift real special, so take off the top

That kitten is definitely going to eat a duck. Just give it time.

Still fabulous!

Why the hell would I do that? I have a perfectly good cat.

Hey, at least now you can masturbate without committing a mortal sin. You are only performing your wifely duties.

I was told point blank by a white guy in high school that I had DSL and kept saying it because everyone around him thought it was SOOOOO hilarious. Until. Until I kicked the shit out of his balls and told him that while I might have "DSL" his dick would never know the pleasure.

Yeah, this is totally about shaming and not the BF being a monster or the mother being a coward.

As a child whose mother failed to protect her from abusive stepfathers/boyfriends, I say fuck her. Children are utterly defenseless and can't leave an abusive situation under their own power. This woman's kids didn't choose her shitty boyfriend.

I found this today and I am psyched I have a reason to use it!

That reminded me of this commercial:

P.S. You really should take up eating meat again. Millions of people starve to death every day and would gladly trade places with you.

Yes. And I only eat wild chicken, too.

Obviously the steak fajitas had not been grilled enough. The longer you grill them, the more tender they become. Look it up.

But are you allergic to crunchy?

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!

What the fuck, it's Monday again? HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!?!