Tomorrow’s headline: Rian Johnson accused of groping by 17 Porgs 

*5 seconds later* we regret to inform you that the duck is racist

The Orioles need to just blow it up and start all over. Don’t stop with Manny. Short of Adam Jones, I’m willing to part with our entire roster...and our GM, and try again in a few years. Yeah, it’ll mean eating the Davis contract, but we’re going to be burning that money on lost seasons anyway.

Instead, the director’s job will go to...

And vice-versa.

Playoffs for your Pats start soon, too, so cheer up.

Philly fans will never be the worst in a world where Patriots fans still exist.

We didn’t destroy his career. His own actions destroyed his career. We’re saying that there are standards to which our elected officials should be held, and Franken has fallen short of those standards of his own volition.

I agree.

More often than not, though, Parker and Stone have fumbled when it comes to Garrison as Trump

I’m willing to bet that she weighs the same as a duck

This is far and away the most The Ringer, Bill Simmons thing ever published on dead spin dot com

You have very bad opinions.

That section is the whole reason I wrote this dumb thing so you’re absolutely okay in my book.

Is it okay that I scrolled straight down to the BAD-BAD Pacino section? Because that is BEST-BEST Pacino.

I think you should apologize, Sean. There is no excuse for such insulting comparisons to the noble weasel. They are perfectly decent animals, and deserve better.

[Jared Kushner walks up to Trump]

You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

This news absolutely made my morning.

Bradley Whitford is one of the good ones. In fact, he’d have voted for Obama for a third time if possible.