Welcome to Super Bowl LIV coming to you live from the Goatse Dome.

That’s why I prefer Arizona over Georgia. It’s the dry hate.

Republican party to Trump: “please remove your gaping maw from our dog whistle. You’re getting spittle on it."

This would be quite effective were it not for the fact that “women: you have to treat them like sh*t” is the subtext for the entire Republican party.

*when the media started paying attention to epidemic of police violence,

“at least Cosby knocked his victims out b4 he raped them.”

So in other words, they’ll be like every other team’s fans...

“Why is the news so relentlessly negative!”

When Hardy said he looked good in blue and white I just assumed he was talking about Nicole Holder

UGH THESE PEOPLE. I actually had adverse reactions to several vaccines (allergy to an antibiotic in the MMR and flu shots which led to some very serious complications when I got a flu shot without checking first, and a weird temporary arm paralysis from guardasil that my doc couldn’t explain). I also know enough basic…

Bummer. Hate to see that horse people have resorted to playing the race card.

“I love the presidental primaries!”

How did Washington’s lawyers gain access to my browser history?

“If someone did that to my kids, they’d need to bail me out.”
-My mother this morning.

I’v taught for almost 20 years and I’ve never had a kid take a swing. You know why? I learned how to de-escalate a situation and let the kid save face. I learned when to not push kids on issues. I’ve learned when to let small infractions slide. I learned these things because I can never use force. It’s a shame police…

Imagine a cop did this to your kid. In fact, imagine anyone did this to your kid.

Granted, this is referring to the US and not the UK.