I hate when the dentist ask me how often I floss. Don't make me lie to you. You already know.

I don't see Game Show Host or Celebutante here.

Cartel Mule.

That's right. Love that quote, though. I apply it to pretty much everything except armies in Iraq. Not my circus... not my monkeys.

That's horrible, man. I don't blame you. A friend lived in a place where some retiree who would ride his scooter around and issue citations when you were violating something and wasn't even on the HOA. Another friend got a complaint because his shed roofing didn't match his house and he was cited for it. The next…

My marriage license.

A lot of times in the contract there is an amount you can pay that gets you out . It ain't cheap. Mine was like $275 but it was better than the monthly payments I would have made over the term of the agreement.

I used to feel the same way and then I bought a condo without an HOA. It was Thunderdome. People pulled recliners from their living room into the parking lot to watch fireworks on New Years. People bought a new mattress and pulled the old one out and propped it in their walkway until trash came six days later.

I'm blown away by the amount of jobs that require very industry specific software knowledge. I read those listings and think unless you were leaving that field, why would you know that? Someone told me they felt sorry for people today because you used to interview for a job and they wanted to see what kind of person…

We're doing this with my two-year old right now which will pay for about $100k. I told a friend I work with and she said, "You really think a $100k is going to cover college?, and I replied, "Doesn't matter... it's what I got."

My dad is. And he didn't need to pinch me. He would just give me something to cry about. That being said, I wonder if this will work on my two-year old.

Does anyone a solution that allows a restore before you get to Windows? I have about 30 employees in the field and every now and again a PC gets hosed and doesn't even boot to Windows. I'd like something where they can F2 or something and start a restore without Windows like the manufacturers do.

If it isn't it, it tasted close enough.

It's okay. Our mothers think the same thing of us and I think the same thing of my daughter.

The SNL ISIS sketch is takes a sentimental popular car commercial and juxtaposes it with a horrible thing that actually happens, wholesome Americans joining terrorists groups. A lot of comedy is derived from putting two things together that shouldn't be.

We're Vietnamese but my mom worked for years as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant. She was making eggrolls and I asked if she had any sweet & sour sauce. I watched her go to the refrigerator and mix equal parts honey and ketchup into a bowl and hand it to me. Thought she was crazy.

I'm not under the illusion that Alien 3 or Alien Resurrection were the sequels that series deserved but they're far from shit. You want shit, I give you Alien vs Predator... pick one, I don't care which.

I have an idea. How about we get the NRA, who love that people want to exercise their 2nd amendment rights and protect themselves, urge that every college-aged woman carry a gun. They can pressure the university system to allow them to carry and overturn whatever rules prevent them. Maybe we can get some…

I worked in banking for fifteen years and didn't know that. Even as I was typing it I thought, "It looks like the banks would lose a fortune in overdraft fees for denying you at the register." I've been denied but usually I knew I had money so now that I think about it, it must have been a communication glitch.

There's a name for that? Sweet. Hate those people. There was a woman who used to do this to me constantly at work. We'd be at lunch and I'd say, "Did you see that joke blah blah blah told," and she'd chime in with the punchline... not the whole joke, just the punchline. Then everybody would look at me and expect…