Fuck you, True Detective

This season's queens are some of the weakest since the show started. Not only are none anywhere close to the last four seasons' winners—Bianca del Rio, Jinkx Monsoon, Chad Michaels and Sharon Needles—even the runners' up like Alaska and Raven would have eaten these girls alive. Katya aside, they don't even have the…

I find the whole idea that Don returns to McCann to write the Coca-Cola ad to be almost insipid as resolutions go. In a show that spent its entire run trading in deep metaphors, to take the obvious visual bait misses the deeper meaning of the finale.

But can it fill the hole in your heart?

I'm looking forward to the GWAR cover of Shake It Off myself.

If only there was some all-powerful being in the universe who would transmit villains through space and time.

Why not make every scene a musical number, a la Cop Rock?

With 500 channels, it was inevitable the Yule Log would get a 24/7/365 network to call its own.

I have the dull, misguided belief that maybe, just maybe, the Gotham writers will pull this show out of the tank at the last second.

Were we watching the same show? I've never been a Carson fan, but last night he brought wit and wisdom to his commentary, and showed himself to be equal of Ms. Visage. Ross Matthews, on the other hand, is cute, but I wish he would not talk.

You should take heart—unlike every other supervillain on this show, your turn wasn't inspired by Mommy and/or Daddy issues. By the standards of Gotham's writers, this counts as significant character elevation.

Like I'm going to come back for another season of THIS.

Thankfully, only four more episodes of hate watching to go before I can forget this whole thing ever existed, forever.

While we're adding to the list, remember that Selina Kyle has discussed her missing mother before. Barbara Keen (oh God) is also screwed up because of her parents. In fact, the only main villains *without* mommy and/or daddy issues this season are Victor Zsasz, Harvey Dent and The Riddler.

*runs up out of nowhere, sinks teeth into neck*

The Joker has mommy issues. The Joker has mommy issues! Which is completely different than Penguin's origin story, because his mommy issues are TOTALLY different.

The Killing.

I believe we're supposed to have the reveal at the end of the season, so we should know sooner than that.

Actually…this is kind of a fascinating theory, more interesting than the show itself right now. But it just seems plausible enough to be believed:

When Butch suggested to Fish that it was time to leave Gotham I thought, "Yes, go! To a better show! One where you and Fish are attempting to run a criminal empire with occasional visits from John Doman's character."