I don’t live under a rock and I never heard a damn thing about this movie. Maybe the promotion was a bomb, too.

I had a childbirth dream that was awesome because I had a litter of kittens.

Then we’re not trying hard enough, people! Put down your PSLs and do your AP chemistry homework FFS.

Weeeellllllll..... Dudes write the rules of their own fabricated “religions”, dudes make sexo okayo anytime-o. Just like how tailgating always involves beer and sausage. If they can dream it they can be it.

British people in reverse look like regular people, only weird.

I don’t care if she spat in his face. This is excessive force. Fuck that dipshit Neanderthal officer and his loser hang ups that make him think swinging a teenage girl around by her arm is “justice”. Ugh god fuck all these dicks just castrate them and exile them now please goddamnit skin is crawling with a thousand…

I’ve got an opening next week called “Where are we going to barf tonight?” and it’s a row of toilet stalls overflowing with champagne vomit. I’m worried some Mexican janitor is going to ruin it! OMG guys

I think the flip phone action is super cool and like punctuation at the end of a call. Now you just get the dull mup mup mup sound and it shuts off. It was the closest thing we had left to violently hanging up on people!!!

If your baby isn't coding by two just throw it out the window.

If there were mandatory real life self-identification at the event, the cowards would have been peaceful as lambs. Give them a keyboard and avatar and the little twerps act like Hells Angels.

Only if Liberace and Matt Damon were there. Honestly I’m not a saint and I enjoy the finer things but what brain mechanism allows you to achieve this level of POINTLESS SHIT THAT’S EXPENSIVE when you could quite literally end suffering for many humans and animals with those resources?? I don’t fucking get it. But I’m…

She’s a savvy, experienced politician whose stance roughly aligns with mine. I don’t want an ideologue representing me; I want a gritty, strategic game-player who can get shit done. Bernie gives me the warm fuzzies but he would be a lame duck from day one due to being so left of center. He’d have to compromise so much…

Am I an idiot or is DNA not the cause of food borne illness? Why genetic testing? So they can release these duh reports and scandalize big food producers? Food prep facilities aren’t semiconductor cleanrooms. I expect some rando DNA in my food. AS LONG AS IT’S NOT HORSE.

Yes, and New Girl for when he wants an edgier Caucasian female.

I loved it too because I fucking love anything Jane Eyre but I didn’t feel it downstairs for Fassbender’s Rochester. I had a weird high school thing for William Hurt so that one is my favorite. Actually if we could have the modern visuals and score of the new one and time-travel back to the 90s to shoot it with…

I work for a super wealthy dude who relishes his opportunities to reward hard work with “upward mobility”. I’m a poor so I have to work hard, but if he were being consistent he’d just dump half a billion on a random baby. That’s how he earned it.

If the place has big garbage cans prominently placed, you bus your own shit. Constitutionally mandated? No, but it's good behavior. Keep doing what you're doing though, it's no skin off your back obviously.

Don’t forget that the typical historical and, sadly, contemporary role of women in war is rape victim, whether as a civilian or a member of the U.S. Military.

I think he just has a childhood fantasy of GI Joe slinging him over his shoulder and carrying him to a safe place where they can lie down, covered in sweat, blood and mud, examine each others’ dog tags preciously, say, “You complete me,” breathing heavily, and then bone.