I was expecting a money shot.

Bob Kraft for sex trafficking czar!

Oh god, John Travolta caught alopecia!

Is it John or Jon? Make up your mind, son.

“took up way too much room in a closet that girlfriend or fiancee or wife was nice enough to let them share”

If I were going to be obnoxiously contrarian about anything, it would be Brooklyn 99.

“This thing is terrible! And such small portions!”

It would’ve been faster to throw a handful of road salt in the negative space around the shaft than to engage an email back & forth with the Hondans. What  power trip.

Didn’t Tone Loc sign on to a movie where he spent most of the time talking to Jim Carey’s butthole?

Well maybe they should stop ending every joke with, “...so I turned aboot, whipped the toque off their head, and shouted, ‘That’s not Avril Lavigne! It’s Mike Myers with a mouth full of poutine, eh!’”

With swords!

My actualfirst memory of “twerk” is 2000, Ying Yang Twins, three years before “Get Low” and five years before “Wait”

“Musketeers” is bullshit, they use swords.

There are numerous ways to interpret “Best,” and if we were to discuss impact on filmmaking and anticipated presence in the public consciousness years from now.

Predator, again.

How’d she decide which cars to test drive?

Scary Oz, you say?

But you have to ask them in Swedish. Vilket fungerar bättre? Blodtransfusioner eller badning i blod?

I’ve got plenty of blood that’s older than 120 days in my basement.

The blood of virgins: it does a body good!