Yeah, but it’s the server who has to risk their money by deciding which niceties are appropriate and which are stupid. 

BEND TO AUTHORITY, PLEBS!

It’s my favorite cheap beer.

Why is the dildo in the header picture melting?

Hell, my mom’d be the one who’d say, “HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO A LAWYER AND A FINANCIAL ADVISOR YET? HAVE YOU TOLD ANYONE ELSE? IF YOU HAVE TOLD ANYONE ELSE, SO HELP ME GOD... “

What a blunder! Think of the all the good will that the Matrix sequels have generated. He could have been part of a the most revered trilogy since Star W—

But teens having no car but also wanting to stay up late and amuse themselves on the weekends has a lot to do with that. Your favorite season of SNL is the one from when you were 15.

[Wipes mayonnaise from face and spits chewing tobacco into empty Natty Ice can]

Well, we’ll outlaw it when we become civilized.

If it’s good enough for Beyoncé...

Ask the Salty Waitress

All English teachers are good at what they do?

On the third hand, no one gives a shit about some asshole with a store’s Pepsi stock.

The first thing you learn on the first day of any business class is that the purpose of a corporation is to enhance shareholder value. Sure, there’ll be thinkpieces about corporate social responsibility or stakeholder theory, but at the end of the day, they will always seek to enhance shareholder value.

The purpose of all of Disney movies is to pad the coffers of Disney shareholders.

I’m just here for the Frank Welker.

Priceless.

Coats Dwight’s desk and all his supplies in Vantablack.

Noted troll. Ignore them.