I get made fun of for using maybe 1/4 the milk everybody else uses. Just barely enough to moisten. I never understood people’s excitement over cereal milk desserts. That’s just spit filled milk.

I mean, breakfast sandwiches are OKAY, I guess. Now...a breakfast burrito, a breakfast burrito is magic.

Unpopular opinion: all cereal sucks. It just sucks. It is NEVER enough food and it’s sugary and soggy and sad.

I just went to Stockholm and there are tons of brunettes. It’s really not as blonde-haired-and-blue-eyed as we’re taught to believe.

Sadly, only Ashley Madison provided that service.

I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

What if you make eye contact, then bite down as hard as you can?

This profile is the gift that keeps on giving, even if you don’t want it. I do appreciate that writer makes no attempt to hide her rightful contempt for him.

Your wife is... kind of weird, man.

I think I have a whole series by this author!

OF COURSE it’s behind glass. It’s to protect it from staining from when your dentist is staring at it while furiously masturbating.

Well, she clearly gives a shit.

It should be Khandelabra, though.

I kinda wish that was my love story tbh

Gather round children and let me tell you the tale of how I won your fathers heart while dressed up as a turd.

Have also seen in Connecticut. Did not pick up.

What in the shit of fuck

Hahahahaha, oh Brayden, darling, did you read that delightful new Bruce Williams column in the daily print out of the internet that one of our several butlers brought us this morning?

Please no she deserves better than that greasy beard on chicken legs.