She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

There was a chivito truck I used to go to that had three sandwiches options: Chicken, Beef, and Vegetarian. The latter was “Vegetarian” because it used a cheese patty in place of any meat. But you could still get it with all their toppings, which included diced ham, bacon, and fried eggs. Best vegetarian eating I’ve…

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

I wrote it down. She said 39. I added the “like” for fun. Sorry you were not charmed.

Congratulations, you have successfully identified the rhetorical device known as parody. You win one free lorazepam.

Doesn’t the bible say to spread the gospel or something? They probably justify it by thinking that’s what they’re doing.

You would think they would have learned from the last time they did this and everybody blamed the Republicans. Or not, because expecting Ted Cruz to learn is like expecting a hamster to do calculus.

I am a resourceful Capricorn. We will outlive even the cockroaches. COME AT ME.

Oh man, this story is probably THE low point of my life that I can remember (at least of my college years). I was visiting a friend at his college, so that makes what I did even worse.

I don’t know if I’m amazed that pissing yourself in front of a crowd in 2nd grade is so common that my story didn’t rank or disappointed that the most embarrassing moment of my life wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as I thought.

They are being completely destroyed by this town. 100%. Within hours of the news getting on Facebook there were protesters in front of their shop, and everyone is boycotting them, everywhere. It’s almost vicious, except it’s largely deserved.

I’d put both their Ds in my V.

Yeah the apology was fucking lame and pathetic. We were making fun of it at the protest this morning. Idiots

Also, note that for this subject in particular, the employee really has to have screwed up in a unique and interesting way for anyone to have a reason to care about the story. If you specifically requested a sandwich with no mayo, and a server then brought you a sandwich with mayo on it, well, I’m very sad for you,…

“He’d mixed a half-gallon of bleach with a half-gallon of ammonia in the mop bucket.”

WE HAVE TO THROW THEM A PARTY THE GUINEA PIGS ARE INVITED

I would have inappropriate life altering and possible muscle straining sex with both of them.

I wished my ex and my ex friend that they’d be together forever since they so obviously deserved each other. He pays for all the bills, she doesn’t have sex with him, She is a cat hoarder and all of his friends have had an intervention with him at one time or another about her. I.really hope those two crazy kids stay…

Before He Cheats is my karaoke jam.

My alcoholic brother-in-law came home late one night from the bar, completely shit-faced, was hungry and made himself a tuna sandwich. Took a bite and didn’t like it, left it on the counter and went to bed. My sister found it in the morning. I know what you’re thinking — you’re thinking, he mistook cat food for tuna.…