Greasy beard on chicken legs. That is beautiful.

I had Star Wars-shaped macaroni and cheese for lunch. Also some seafood salad on naan.

So imagine my delight when my grandmother sells the house to a middle-aged lesbian couple, and all she can do is proclaim proudly, “It’s their first house!”

where are Mulder and Scully to investigate this kind of alien shit

He puts the ass in class.

Have you considered burning the dead weasel that he keeps on top of his head y/n

I love her. This new album is delicious. I loved Call Me Maybe too. COME AT ME, INTERNET.

He kept scuttling away and looking at me, like, “What the HELL, man! I NEED AN ADULT!”

My cat will sometimes get a bit...crusty...in the derriere region. It is indeed hilarious/awkward/disturbing to have to scrub the neighborhood around her asshole.

Please tell me more about this.

In one of his past lives, George Zimmerman was a herpes virus.

Fuck your mom so very much.

I’m a deeply emotional person who cannot stand having people see her cry.

I feel emotions a lot. And then I smother them with a pillow so they can’t see the light of day.

This is just plain gorgeous and you look like a million bucks. <3

that dawg is approximately 60% ears.

I still don’t know what exactly happened to the coffeemaker because it was totally fine immediately thereafter. It just like, vomited, and my poor roommate and I just kinda stood there and looked at it very sadly and then chugged Monsters on the way to our lab. It was a very sad day.

I thought I was really handy with the word “fuck” but damn.

Making note of this for my next coffeemaker tbh. I made SUCH A MESS on more than one occasion trying to make coffee happen.

You give such wonderful advice.