I am now convinced that Katy Perry's career is one long Lisa Frank tribute.

Fun fact - the disintegrated man powder is actually how Flaming Hot Cheetoes dust is manufactured.

So in mystical Ancient Katygpt a great sorceress, who can't handle spicy food, lures powerful men to bring her tributes of jewels, exotic junk foods, and defective flying chariots. But regardless of whether the gift pleases the sorceress, she hexes the men so that they dissolve away into a pile of pixie dust…

Time to hear my favorite story ever! In college I worked at the mall during the school year because booze ain't cheap, y'all. There was a kiosk at this mall that sold candles shaped like stuff. Mostly food stuff like waffles and other gooey things. It was super weird. Some how they got into the oscars losers gift bags…

• The O-Shot procedure by Dr. Charles Runels (Okay, so regretfully this was looked up. It's also called the "Orgasm Shot" and, short answer, it's sort of like a stem-cell shot in the vagina that claims to make sex better.)

See my vest!

Carny love!

This is what I do! And then I get bitched at the next day about how he can't get a good night's sleep with me jabbing him all night... Seriously?!?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M SLEEPING LISTENING TO THAT DAMN NIGHT!!!

I enjoyed that pretty well, and rock n roll Shakira is my favorite too, but I was really worried about them stabbing each other with their heels when they were writhing in bed.

What ruined me was the book version of The Shining, since the bathroom scene in the book was 1000x creepier to me than the one in the movie. In the book, Jack looks in the tub and it is empty. Then, as he turns to exit the bathroom, he hears a sound that he can only describe as weight in the tub and sees the faintest…

I'm alway afraid the reflection I see of myself in the mirror will be disfigured. At least, I have been ever since I saw Vanilla Sky. Man that scene really freaked me out...

YEEUUUP.

Finally! A source of fresh terrors. All my old irrational fears were getting kinda stale.

I very strongly believe that she wears unflattering things intentionally to reinforce her brand ("Atypical Actress").

They're Soot Sprites!

Oh, bah humbug! I don't mind all of these goofy words and slang terms. I love this aspect of the English language. Some words are overused and used incorrectly, but I'm not personally offended by most of them. Maybe it's because I teach middle school English, but I am much more frustrated by my students' butchery of…

Alec Guinness?

Who is that?

I'm like a million times confused at all the multiple levels of oxymoron in "feminist Christian anarchists".

We can always use more Discworld.