Excessive parentheticals are great for conveying irony or humor. Poor Gordon is painfully earnest in all these excerpts, which makes them additionally painful. Yes, all the other stuff is probably worse, but if just the parenthetical is disqualifying, all the other stuff is obviously bad too.
Wow, I've never read about a guy trying so hard to talk himself out of a job before.
I can't judge her, but wouldn't the stabbing itself still be a bad thing? Wouldn't she have rather met Cameron the Hot EMT because she slipped on some ice or something? I'm going to go with the TV station took her comment out of context.
"I served my nickle, bitch, you come and take me kind of confidence"
OMG, you can't just ask why a Princess is white...
I don't know who to credit for this internet gem, but:
I find this animal to be more like a muskrat crossed with my nightmares. Dat hand!
I'm pretty sure at least one of them will stop talking to him at all shortly (or in a few years, depending on how old they are).
if you make things like abortion and birth control illegal, then the choice not to use them becomes devoid of any moral or religious meaning whatsoever.
Oh, been there. Some non-honeymooney time is very, very healthy for marriages.
THANK you. Yes, I very much enjoy his sets, but I hear them mostly on Pandora and forget to look at the artist. I also love his story about the high school party gone wrong ("50 drunk white children shouting 'Fuck da Pole-eece" at a policeman").
And yet, Catholics are big on the "indulgence" thing (New Pope was doling out forgiveness indulgences via twitter last month, even), which means you can do all sorts of evil shit, as long as you pay for it, sometimes literally, right before you die. Catholics be crazy, but they're their own special sort of crazy.
“I see abortion-inducing drugs as intrinsically evil, and I cannot in good conscience preach one thing to my kids and then just go with the flow on our insurance,”
Renowned Television Actor Ice-T
Love this one:
After all, enjoying it makes you a dirty, dirty whore (circa 1952).
Or, as I liked to say, back before Mr BerkRie came on the scene, "Shhh, honey, you're not here to talk."