And how many bowl games have those teaching assistants won?

Yeah, this was clearly god’s plan.

A rental?

This a joke. I test drove a Tesla S with no credit check and I look like a total asshole.

Purple, it's always purple.

He treats objects like women!

I knew a dude that got tickets for parking his hummer on the street because it was too wide for the local ordinances. After that he just parked it on the lawn.

Boo

Brothers?

What a Flake.

Yeah, that ended surprisingly well.

... And?

Cancer jokes are the most malignant form of comedy.

Metallic and jewel tones

Does that make Goldfinger-esque stuff “yellowface”?

“Overall it wasn’t too bad; I felt fine about three days later.”

How many BG students does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they’ll just say “fuck it” and drink in the dark.

"you're dead to me"

/plane crashes

what is quality?