Tutor: No really, Jameis, you need to read this. You'll like it, it's by this far-out dude named Thomas Paine!

Winston: Fuck her right in the pussy!

Jay thought he was a huge marshmallow. Blood sugar running low.

Awesome! Can someone make the football into a baby, so it looks like he is saving a baby? The NFL needs some good press this week.

Closing your eyes and hoping it will all go away: Goodell's strategy for dealing with the Ray Rice fiasco.

When did we become a nation that just didn't give a shit about science? Every peer-reviewed journal article I have ever read, and I teach Sociology of Gender and Family, has unequivocally found that striking a child leads to poorer outcomes across the board. This is one of the most consistent findings in the history…

Calvin really let himself go.

They only found E? I thought Noah took two of everything.

Pictured: Mayweather's first tattoo:

Keith Olbermann Decimates The NFL

Jesus, using powerpoint defaults for something like this makes it look exactly like a screed from a crazy person about how jews are running the global economy from the moon or something.

You didn't want the public to see the images, but inevitably they did. Roger, I wish you'd given me a call before trying to keep this Rice thing under wraps. No matter what you do now, your career is over.

Get me Liddy. And Haldeman.

Roger Goodell needs to sit the fuck down and resign. What a piece of garbage. He obviously does not care one iota about domestic violence amongst football players and their families and is only in damage control when it makes the NFL look bad.

This is the point I can't get past as well — why did the NFL even need to see the video? As laid out above: He admitted to hitting her. He knocked her unconscious. Prosecutors dropped charges against her and upped charges against him based on the video. That all was known without the NFL needing to see the video. …

"Who released the statement?"

Fucking hell, Ray Rice, LeSean McCoy, Johnny Manziel, Jerry Jones ... all these other distractions are making it VERY, VERY HARD for me to be distracted by Michael Sam.

People are really going to be pissed when they realize these responses were all copied and pasted from a transcript of Ray Rice's May 23 press conference.

I'm not an American so I'm not too up on your constitution, but the NFL is pretty much the same as the federal government right?