I'm going to wait for the iRuler 2, it will probably have increased functionality.

Where's "I want to stab you multiple times in the eye and record your death-rattle to use as my ringtone." I could use that.

The winner: @GWBaseball1

Ley, I curse you: that face will be the last image that flashes before your eyes at your moment of death.

.

I wonder how his Tinder profile is doing?

Fried cheese

If this were a real sport like hockey they would have played anyway, and when someone tripped and broke their face on the ice he would have sucked up his scattered teeth and swallowed them, shat them out between the 2nd and 3rd period, and had them reinstalled by a guy named Izzy who works some nights down at the bar.

Yo momma's so fat a team of geologists was lost exploring the folds on her gut.

Shouldn't this be under LifeHacker?

You’ll still be stunning ... just stay a bit further away from the radioactive Marie!

No, the country with Vienna... Australia.

I usually associate 'desperation heave' with trying to avoid acute alcohol poisoning, but whatever...

This is precisely why I've always said that people shouldn't be allowed to bring their automobiles into bars.

Conspiracy theory time:

It can be both, of course, and probably should be.

... douchebags who think they are better than other people because of their geographical location ...

You live in Illinois. All your governors eventually go to jail. That's not an insult, probably governors in more states should end up in jail more often.

This is utterly shocking. I never expected this amount of moral imagination and political thinking from the NYT.

It should be fair game... if she can ask (bully) young people about their sexuality, they get to ask back...