Man, these guys really won’t defend anything.

Turns out the campaign to kill all the animals in the irradiated countryside wasn’t done merely to prevent the spread of the contamination, but also as an attempt to find and kill the American spies Moose and Squirrel.

None of this sounds like a problem that a giant bag of weed won’t solve.

It is absolutely RICH that a non-kid-haver would make a pledge about what they will and won’t do once they become a parent. I’ve stuck to a couple of the more reasonable ones but I’m pretty sure “no screen time until 2” was out the window the second she took interest in Elmo and “I’m never letting this kid have…

I actually stopped watching Black-ish when they put Brown on, despite otherwise loving it. Never regretted it.

Don’t confuse “how we make the art” versus “how we consume the art”.

Its as Ann as the nose on plain’s face.

Gronk will come out of retirement in the 2034-35 season so he has a chance to play in Super Bowl LXIX

I don’t understand why he didn’t wait until June 9th to announce this.

o the hilarious irony in paying over $250K for your kids education and they graduate to become a “social influencer.”

Here’s mom with her latest brand endorsement:

I considered it at the time - but there just isn’t the money in being a bottom-shelf liquor spokesperson that I thought there would be. 

bribes totaling $500,000 in exchange for having their two daughters designated as recruits to the USC crew team

I worried about classes and tests and predatory professors, AND being a single mother to a two-year-old, which is the only way I can justify not having a super high bed and OJ letters in the window.

maybe Our Dumb President is right and the Jets really are too complicated to operate

Everything is nothing. Nothing is everything. Substance is nonentity. Nonentity is substance. Literally, “literally” doesn’t just mean literally anymore. Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. Also, the internet and social media was a mistake. 

So I’ve heard that the Polka Dot Man will look something like this:

There is no love

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