I went to see a heavy metal band in New York...called Monster Magnet. Man, they were heavy, boy. The lead singer got on the monitor, and he said, “How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?” Then he said, “How many of you feel like animals?” And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I…

Illogical points? Check.

“I never knew that it was possible to wear a hat aggressively”

After the election I was the opening cashier at a local hardware store. At the time I was only working on Sundays while trying to get through law school. The very first, and only person, that came in at 9 am that day, was this fugly late-middle aged white dude. And I s#!t you not, he was emblazoned with the hat, a…

Acting like they want a fight but they really don’t wanna fight.

Yea, these are the SAME EXACT shitstains who will open carry in a downtown area or even a fucking school zone just fucking praying for some kind of confrontation so they can immediately shout AM I BEING DETAINED.

I was in a similar situation on the NYC subway last year, with a Richard Spencer-lookalike reading “The Turner Diaries” in a very conspicuous manner, glancing around and making sure everyone could see the cover (and looking like he hoped we knew what it was. I did. I seethed.)

“...proudly wore the damn thing while scanning every single person within range to not only make sure everyone saw their hat but also ensure that people knew it was on purpose.”

If I learned anything from JJ Bittenbinder, if he hadn’t have let go of the shirt he would now be with the attacker at a second location.

Fuckin Thanos.

someone else is saying “wish Thanos had finger-snapped our writers room...”

They are from Nylon Calculus Here is how they create the profile for each team

As a Jets fan that watched that hit - holy shit. He should absolutely have been called for that. And honestly, I don’t think a 1 game suspension is too harsh. It was a dirty hit and should never have happened.

U2, The Joshua Tree: “Where the Streets Have No Name,” “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” “With or Without You” (bonus: “Bullet the Blue Sky” is pretty great too)

It got so bad that we both unofficially decided that having another kid may not be a great idea because this was so terrible (I know for all you experienced parents, us first timers are probably just being overly dramatic).

Next, Donald J. Trump will deny he’s Donald J. Trump

I missed the end of the game. At the final buzzer did Grayson Allen shriek and transform into a flock of blackbirds?

I usually fall asleep right after that too.

The White House’s official proposal would fund firearms training programs for school staff and strengthen criminal background and mental health checks.