I am a proponent of most of the causes the black community has fought for. And I think that it's wrong how they've been prejudiced against. But having said all that, I think it's important to recognize that that doesn't mean [you] have a right to [people being] comfortable with you.

It's nice to finally see the wife of a Raven drag their husband into something for once.

"Wait, we can opt out of Cleveland?" — Clevelanders.

I miss Fat Drew.

This one was a little more clever, at least.

Raiders fans are also excited because their city finally has a decent wide receiver.

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A…

This is infinitely more believable.

Alternative theory: Rob Manfried also harbors a sadly unfulfilled wish to be a centaur?

If you were interested in being fair, you'd have included the clarification Kelly gave when they came back from commercial—that he was simply impressed by her breasts, and that he planned to masturbate once the segment was over. A perfectly innocent explanation.

Onazi: OHNOOHNOOHNO

JONESJONESJONESJONESJONES!!!!!!!!

FUCK PORTUGAL GO USA USA USA FUCK THOSE SHITTY SEAMONKIES BACK TO THEIR PIECE OF SHIT COUNTRY

David that story is very close to mine, I had the chance to work for Tony at his school in the 1990s, I also had all my walls covered in Gwynn memorabilia and wore 19 as many of us did. I posted this originally over at the UTSD Forums in the tribute there, but thought many of you would love this story as well. Its…

Joke's on you because they DO pay us to live here.

I need oven mitts to handle this take

"Just fucking come at a bro" would the best UFC shirt I've ever seen. So many levels.

Dickerson didn't look like he gave a single shit when he hit Laird, and if anything it looked like he was mad the game had to be delayed for him. Pitcher hit him not because he thought it was intentional, but that Dickerson was being an asshole.