Damn, and I’m fresh out of gold stars and cookies.

What’s he doing?

• “How does your wife do it? It’s called biology”

how about you chill

Grotesque publicity stunt.

(This is not to state or imply I’m against places banning Josh Duggar)

Did she pull that pepperidge farm cake with everyone she knew? Did her son know about her habit of bait-and-switching cakes with people? Was she trying to impress you by doing something she never had done before but bragged it up beforehand, in hopes of impressing you up until then, and lost her nerve at the last…

...wow. and i thought all the lopsided cakes i’ve seen were bad...

i literally just gasped-first gasp of the day, over your pepperidge farms cake.

Pepperidge Farm cakes are AWESOME if you have just broken up with someone and want to eat your feelings from a box with a fork in front of your television.

You beat everyone to the best joke.

Oh my god did Guy Fieri get turned into a shoe?!

Tevas are a gateway shoe

I quit everyone, goodbye forever

Oh, I definitely believed you. When the truth is that good-slash-awful, why embellish? It’s just so horrifying. But also, thank you for sharing.

I once had a guy offer to “beat my baby ejector” with his “meat bat” if I felt like “stepping up to the plate”

Okey dokey.

I know right?! Im all like “Get off my lawn”.

ALL OF THESE NAMES! who are these people! why am i so old! where did i put my glasses!

I've been on topamax, does it make you incredibly stupid and forget words too?