You stole my Kinja handle. wtf? Not cool. Get your own lame gimmick. This one’s mine.

So I see she’s already had some coffee.

It’s exactly these kinds of shenanigans that keep me from competing in Ironman events. That and a life of slothful lethargy and general ill health due to poor diet, plethoric bong hits and excessive alcohol intake. 

The only defense against a bad guy with a Yeti cooler is a good guy with a PROUD AMERICAN cooler.

Master race looking good, buddy!

Oddly enough, stopping Yetis was the number two reason Betsy Devos gave for arming teachers.

Here’s Ta-Nehisi Coates on white people using the n-word when singing along with the lyric. I’m not going to pretend like I can explain it better than he did.

It’s pretty stupid to sing this. It’s pretty stupid to record it and post it online. But as stupid as these kids were, I find it hard to believe that they’re malicious. I’ve never heard this song before, because I’ve crossed into Old Man territory, but these are, in fact, lyrics in the song. That doesn’t excuse it,…

“Don’t fuck me, daddy”

FRIENDZONED.

Phil’s commitment to the triangle is unrelenting.

Me too.

#Thoughtsandprayers

When my daughter was 2, she refused to let me use wet wipes to clean her after she pooped, and insisted on being wiped with a shred of an American flag which had been moistened with tears shed by decent upstanding citizens at the moral decay our society has been experiencing since, oh, about September 22nd, 1862. But…

I’m pretty shocked by this. Every time I think I can get a handle on how people behave at football games something like this comes along and just makes me second guess humanity. I’m just at an absolute loss.

You rang?

When I was a kid, Graig Nettles was my guy. I wanted to be just like him. I played third, leaping for grounders, stretching out trying to make great plays.

They could’ve avoided the Browns if they’d had bone spurs in their feet.

These layoff announcements are getting more and more sudden.

I just ate a large pepperoni pizza with a side of cheese bread in about 45 minutes, so I feel pretty good about myself.