Between BMG and Columbia House, I got so many free CDs it's ridiculous. Eventually they wanted money and the jig was up. My mom was none too pleased when she found out, but she did politely explain that you can't legally enter into a contract with a minor and they left me alone haha.

This has happened to my memaw’s beautiful yet highly temperamental Japanese tulip tree every year for the past 10 years. We’ll have an uncharacteristicly warm day or two and it will immediately start forming be buds, which die in the next frost, and that's it for the year. Only leaves after that. It's VERY…

The fine young man (from a locally prominent, very wealthy family) who was the best man at my wedding to my ex husband turned out to have been molesting one of his sixth grade students and is currently in jail. He was so dedicated to it that he after having her in his sixth grade class, he swapped to teaching middle…

Sooo....that sounds like the tackiest fucking ring ever.

Southern person here! When we say “being ugly” we are NOT referring to physical attractiveness. What we mean is basically “being a bitch.” Ex: Susie throws shade on Jenny. Sally observes this and remarks to Tommy, “Oh, thats’s ugly.” Imagine it drawled out to “UHH-glee” and you get the idea.

From this morning! There were dozens of entertaining signs, but this was my favorite by far.

When I weighed 135 I wore a size 8, but I'm 4 inches taller than her. NOW I'm 235 but carry it very well, apart from my face. Like, I wouldn't feel even the tiniest bit of shame about my size if I had a skinny face like some of my fellow fat girls. But nope, I get stuck with the doughiest, most double chinned…

Future husband and I have both decided to hyphenate BUT...what do our children do when they get married? Just pick one? Hyphenate again and have three last names? Create a portmanteau of all eligible names? If they just picked one to re hyphenate with their spouse’s name, how would you avoid the awkward hurt feelings…

One of my and my ex husband’s CLOSEST friends turned out to be one of the predatory teachers everyone in the comments is talking about. He taught 8th grade when he was caught, but he’d been grooming the girl since he’d been her teacher when she was in 6th grade (he was 30 at the time of this). Thankfully in this case…

I used to cut out the more ridiculous word balloons from those and use them in collages haha. Haven't thought about that in years!

“This generation” = Boomers, right? They are the cause of pretty much all bad things in the world imo.

One of those stupid sites did actually give me a legitimate tip for Chipotle, though. Instead or ordering a burrito, order a burrito bowl and get a tortilla on the side. It's like twice the food for the same price (ie sweet sweet Chipotle leftovers).

I mean, let’s be honest though. What does a kept woman (or man) do that’s ever worth respect besides that basic respect you get for just existing? Shopping and preening aren't exactly Nobel prize worthy contributions to society. Not everyone gets a trophy for their life decisions.

I would please like to hear the logic behind why it’s not ok for a man to say “I like a woman with a bit of meat on her bones” if someone would explain that. Men are people, people have preferences, people talk about their preferences. The only times I have ever heard a man say this was when it was to reassure an…

It’s pretty clear that she’s talking about socialites. So, no, not about you. Unless you have a body “designed to fuck millionaires”...?

STORY TIME! Ok so when I was like 8 I lived in Atlanta, and my mom and her friend liked to occasionally work out at Lee Haney’s Animal Kingdom because pro wrestler dudes liked to hang out there. My friend’s daughter and I were playing with My Little Ponies in the lobby, and motherfucking by gawd Hulk Hogan came…

You are really coming across as a twatty teenager right now.

My best friend’s father just lost his life to this. He fell down, they thought he was fine, couple days later he collapsed and died in the hospital from brain swelling complications. You know what I could see happening? This happening to her and them freaking out like OH SHIT EVERYONE IS GOING TO FIND OUT THAT WE…

Ashley Benson always looks like she’s on serious drugs nowadays, I wish she’d get it the fuck together. :(

I've been reading Jez ever since it was just a magazine. They've called themselves feminists since the very beginning.