Colbert is doing God’s work.

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YES, STEPHEN, YES.

I haven’t loved Colbert as much as of late (since the show move), but back to #respect

Double sided I assume. I don’t know! Don’t ask me reasonable questions!

I want to know who the hell has matching beach towels. This is America, where we buy beach towels at Wal-Mart as an afterthought when we’re picking up ice for the cooler on our way down to the beach.

Oh rich white people. Towel charms. if I see someone at the beach/pool with a towel charm, I think I’m gonna have a spell.

No, that second one is a clit ring.

Why would you purposely puncture a towel to put a metal charm on it? It just seems like it would cause a hole and ruin the towel really quickly, plus any time the towel is outside that little piece of metal is going to get really hot really quickly. I do not fancy a minuscule baseball glove being seared into my skin…

So it’s knockoff Monopoly tokens with holes dremeled through them and then stuck on unbent paper clips.

I mean, it’s nice to own a small business? Especially if your husband is trying bring about The Handmaiden’s Tale-times. You know you’re not going to be able to own anything then, up to and including your own body!

I refuse to believe that anyone actually buys this shit. I can’t accept a reality in which people affix pewter charms to their towels.

1. That is fucking ugly

Oh, Karen! Silly Karen. The trick is to just buy a super crazy beach towel! Then you’ll always know which one is yours. I suggest this one, because you’re married to a fucking dick.

Dry yourself off, draw blood.

This bitch. Seriously. Look at her cheeky, little caption and her pose. Fuck her. She’s a rotten person.

WTF ever made her think that’s okay? She deserves every bad thing that comes her way over this.

This would get you kicked out of my gym so fast that your head would spin. I’m so glad her gym reacted correctly. F that noise.