I once went to a friend’s birthday party at a restaurant. I bought my wine separately because I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my purchase (I also had no money, so I could only afford the one glass). The honoree had a bunch of friends that ordered sparkling water (extra charge), extra appetizers (which they…

The nearest Arby’s to me is an hour away. I go once a year—pretty much for the Potato Cakes. They aren’t “McDonald’s Hash Browns”. They are better—WAY better. Get some Arby’s and Horsey Sauce on there... and it’s a dream. I now have no reason to drive an hour for friggin curly fries that I can get at any Jack in the…

My brother once gave his wife a fake lottery ticket that said she won... but if you read the fine print it basically calls you an a-hole for believing you can win the lottery.

The French have better versions of just about any American food brand... but even they completely acquiesce to Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese. I saw that in a store and immediately knew I could survive in France. 

I guarantee anyone telling the author “great costume” is being sarcastic... 

According to Emily Post (the absolute in all things proper), the only two people that can correct your grammar are your mother and your teacher. Everyone else needs to be quiet. Now if someone asks you to correct them, then it’s okay. But be discrete...

Oh, my. I could have written this six years ago. I had a friend that just made things miserable for me and others. When she insulted my husband, I had enough.

I think it was the second episode this season that I decided to stop recording them. The Simpsons is just there. It’s no longer clever.

I’ve been doing this for years. I have a workbooks for different rooms, values of items, how they were acquired, etc. All my electronics and appliances are on there, along with their make/model and serial numbers.

I learned to collect these packets a long time ago and amassed quite a few. I use them on anything I’m packing away: Christmas decorations, sheets & blankets, kitchen equipment that I use occasionally (Cuisinart, Kitchenaid Mixer, etc.).

I don’t live in a damp environment, but my basement has exposure to outside air,…

“Even if Trump gets tossed and ends up with his entire bloodline and associates getting tossed in prison...” Please, God! Please, God! Please, God...!

Frankly, I just wish the pie in the face thing (or throwing milkshakes a la Nigel Farage) would come back in style. I really want to see that smug piece of shit get hit…

I know, right? I’ll just put away pastry chef certification... 

Oh, I am! HUGE.

Why...? Why...? Why would you put that image in anyone’s head? I don’t want to think of Palpatine fucking... ever. Young, old, crunchy, etc. Never. I don’t want to even think about... and now I can’t get it out of my head! What does he smell like? Burnt bacon? Old man? Brut by Faberge?

No. Just... no.

We never had a problem with trying the different foods: my mother involved us with the cooking. We saw how everything was made, enjoyed the smells, and wanted to try it. My great-aunt’s creamed onions? No, I didn’t want to try it, but my mom insisted (she was my parent and—as her child—I knew I had to listen to her.)…

This is a thing? People don’t know how to blow up balloons? Seriously? Wow... 

If it’s gonna kill me, I can think of way worse ways to go! Besides, wouldn’t that be an awesome story? “How...? How did Beth die?” “OD’d... on black licorice.”

Better yet: “I had a friend who OD’d on black licorice... and died.” “Tell me more...!” You would become immortal! 

No. No, you can’t. Lord knows I’ve tried. I’ve been almost sick to my stomach and still I wanted more! That Australian Black Licorice is The BEST.

There has got to be pictures of Pete’s junk out there. I’m not into him, but I’m curious. And if it’s a good one--or a huge one--so much the better.

I know it’s expensive, but if you bought the costumes and had real people wear them, we’d see how truly awful those costumes are.